Step up for yourself, learn to say NO at work

"FEAR is the only reason why we tend to say YES to our boss. Sometimes, we are so afraid of standing up for ourselves in fear that our boss will fire us! It's time to take control, put the fear aout of the way and start managing our own career and talents."

Each one of us are born with specific talents and we are expected to use them wisely. I've seen too many times extremely talented individuals being somehow abused at work at different levels. Unfortunately sometimes leaders act as if they own your talent, they ask more and and more and pushes your own limits an inch at the time. Then you realize months or years after that you give more than you receive and that you are not meeting all your Maslow Hierarchy of Needs. You thought that giving more would fill in your self-actualisation need at work but it is not enough. 

If you feel that way, hang on with me and try to shift your mind for a moment. You see, you own your talents and you have to perceive your work as if you deliver added value services. You offer services to your boss or employers in exchange of time that you are paid for. You have a contract with your employer. A contract by essence needs to benefit both parties and needs to be fair. If you feel that your employer benefits somehow more than you do, you are most probably delivering more added value services than you should. Your work contract/agreement is unbalanced.

Let's take an example. In our example, one unit of work is equivalent to one hour of added value services. If you deliver 60 units of added value work are only paid for 40, your hourly rate is reducing significantly while your employees cashes in the number of added value work for a cheaper rate. I have worked a big part of my career delivering large amounts of value added units but always made sure that I could get appreciation or compensation somehow from my employer. I always loved my work and did not really worry about how many value added units I would produce but at the same time always needed to feel that You are probably providing too much value and throughput for what you are paid for. It is a question of finding the balance. The contract needs to be fair and you should start to say no and to negotiate with your employer. You want to work for a company that sees your value and is willing to pay you for it or willing to provide you the right level of recognition that will make it work.

In the last 25 years, I have worked for all kinds of different bosses of course. How you deal with your talent will depend what type of boss you have. Despite the different types of personalities and leaders, I found that there is basically two types of bosses:

• The first one is a true listener (Let's do it all together folks); he seeks the feedback of his team and listens to what people have to say. If he just pretends to listen and does not do anything about the information received, then he is not a true listener. True listeners are usually people manager, they truly believe that their team brings value to the table not only by doing but by participating to the development of ideas and in problem solving. Those bosses are successful and people want to work for them and help them even more.
• The second type is a looner (I'll do it the way I want when I want); he thinks that he knows everything and uses his team to deliver his vision (not more not less). He dictates what and how things need to be done and does not expect his team to have ideas or to go beyond what is being asked for. Those bosses are usually unsuccessful in the long run and they tend to have difficulty to build a strong team around them. They do not understand the power and concept of MOTIVATION and multiplication of brain power. 

Now, if you work for a boss who listens, whom has an opened mind and reaches for your ideas and opinion, than there is no reason for you to say YES to everything!!! You are so lucky! You have the opportunity to work for someone that has an opened mind! In this case, you need to discipline yourself to say NO. You do not need to wash him away when you want to say no! You just need to propose OTHER OPTIONS that could be explored with him to find a solution to the problem! Please stop saying YES to everything and learn to propose solutions or alternatives. Express yourself and find a ground where you are both confortable. The reality is that those types of boss do not expect you to say yes to everything they say! They expect you to bring new ideas on the table! So why say YES???????? You might lose your job in the long run if you do not learn to say NO with a listener because they expect you to speak your mind and will be disappointed if you are not straight forward and transparent with them. It comes back to taking the control of your career, of your talents and the services that you provide in your area of specialty. 

If you work for the second type; honestly, you shall start looking for other opportunities that are there for you. Even if you stand up to them, they will reject your ideas. Usually those leaders have big ego's and you can't expect them to change overnight. And it is true, if you do not do as you are told in this case, conflicts will start and you will eventually be pushed away by this boss. If you want to stand up for yourself although, you shall not accept to be diminished as you will soon start to lack confidence in you. You want to get out of this context and find a boss that is a listener. Be free, manage your own skills et and career. Your career is all yours. Why be unhappy in a situation where there is inequity in your employee-employer contract? We should all work for someone that stimulates us and elevate our spirit. Life is too short. 

Here are some idea on how to say NO on typical questions:

• "Can you do extra hours tonight to finish this report?" - Boss

I would love to but need to know if I could buy few hours from you. I had important plans tonight and I would appreciate if I could work those extra hours, early tomorrow morning instead so that I have a fresh mind and can complete the work with very high quality. 

• "Here's what we need to do, do it now" - Boss

You know that there is a better way to do it that will add more value? Say, OK I understand your plan, it is a good idea. I am wondering if I could share with you an idea that would perhaps add on this one and could save time/ money and bring some additional value.

You have other questions? Share with me other questions that you have difficulty to say no, I will get you some ideas

Thanks!